New Lessons

My chest aches. I realize that what I thought was heartache is actually something physical...The ache of muscles not used in weeks.....

Breathing Muscles.

I just realized I haven't taken a deep, cleansing, full chest breath in weeks. Quick gasps. That's it. That's all.

My hip hurts. A pain deep in the joint. A pain I can't pinpoint or relate to specific injury.  A pain that prevents me from taking a step, from moving forward.  A physical pain- but maybe related to unfinished emotional business?


This last week has been full of gifts.  Some beautiful and easy, others not quickly or simply received.  Some so exciting that I rip the paper off and break the ribbon. Others I slowly open with trepidation about what's inside.  But gifts all....to receive and learn from and to incorporate into my life.

What a fantastic journey I've been on that I can frame these lessons in a way that makes it easy to accept the beauty in them.  Especially in the hard ones.  But it hasn't been a particularly short journey and the ache in my body reminds me that I am not quite finished yet.

"What's going on?" So many of you have asked....thank you for caring, and praying and loving and supporting even though I haven't shared details with you. And I still can't, not yet...God isn't through with it all yet. 


But the essence of it is this: this week I waved a flag of surrender....this is not something I do easily. I have been working so hard to maintain a tight-ship semblance of sanity within our schedule, and God kept bringing me back to the path he set before me and the realization that I was clearly not walking it.  He kept bringing up the truth that doing godly work and working for God were two different things, and teaching me the lesson that I am sure the Old Testament prophets learned the hard way too.  Sometimes the people you are sent to help are not ready to hear God's message.  It is not my job to make sure they receive the gift, only that it is delivered.

These are just some of the gifts I received this week....and I am still learning.  I am learning that God will take my pain away, both physically and emotionally, but I have to be willing to let it go.  I'm learning that he holds me up and holds me tight even when I choose to wander around in the desert. I'm learning that I am strong enough with Him to forge a path on my own, without someone else to copy.

And if all that wasn't enough, I learned a little about brokenness and healing, too.

I guess you could say it was a big week!

I'm still processing, still learning, and still trying to live what I've learned this far.  God is still handing me  presents, and I am still opening them.  Perhaps soon, I will show you where I've been and what I've learned, but for now know this- every one of your prayers was felt and every one of your virtual hugs was needed and embraced.  Keep praying me through this journey, as I am praying for you. Love to you all!

What about you? What gifts has God given you this week?

Lessons From the Jewelry Box

I am getting dressed this morning and I decided that I had the perfect necklace for the outfit that I was wearing: a triple chained number with beads and such.

As I am rushing through my morning routine, I move to the jewelry box to retrieve aforementioned necklace. Currently, my jewelry box is actually a heart shaped tin where all of my necklaces live in a jumbled mess all woven together in a crazy puzzle of knotted chains and twisted beads.

Okay. Deep calming breath, center myself. I am going in to the labyrinth, fingers crossed, praying that the necklace I want will be laying easily on top. Crap! The particular necklace I’m after is one of those triple chained things with tiny chains and sporadic beads and it is inextricably tangled with another necklace. Ugh!

Thinking to myself, “Self, I don’t have time for this.” And nervously watching the minutes tick by as I work to free each one of the strands from one another, I make progress, but painfully slowly.

Finally frustrated, I plop down in the floor, legs spread out and begin to really focus on the issue at hand. It is a matter of principle now. I WILL NOT let a cheesy $6 necklace get the best of me! I work and work, but finally get to a point where, as I am looking at the necklaces intertwined as they are, I simply cannot see how to continue to make forward progress. The situation looks totally hopeless. Completely complicated. Far too time consuming.

“Ugh! I give up!” I exclaim to the jumbled knot of chains. Throwing my hands up in exasperation, I let go of the offending tangle. As I did, the long chain slipped easily away from the necklace I was working diligently to free.

Oh! Hmmm….Many times in life we are faced with challenges. Sometimes seemingly insurmountable ones. But we work and work to find a solution, pushing hard to get the situation to submit to our will. But God doesn’t always want us to continue to manipulate our environment until WE stumble unwittingly onto the solution. Sometimes he wants us to trust that He has it all under control….if we just let go.