Company Girl Coffee 12/11/09..The Passing of Another Year

I am getting older! (Notice the distinction between getting old- which is just kind of sad and getting older- which is a mark of wisdom, passage and a cause for celebration!)I am happy to say that yesterday I celebrated my 35th birthday!

Oh, Ladies, it was a wonderful birthday! One of the best yet! Full of heartwarming moments, tender hugs, MANY refrains of "Happy Birthday to you!" (sung in wide variety of keys- G, C and Off;), and lots and lots of love....Absolutely wonderful! Not at all my usual- plan a big party, have everyone over and eat lots of cake type birthday, but low key...good morning birthday hugs from my munchkins, breakfast with good friends, coffee and a new book at Borders, lunch with my dear husband, a little shopping, visiting with my business partner and the mini-stirfry, and then dinner with my family. Absolutely beautiful. My heart is overflowing with gratitude.

As for this past two weeks, much has happened.

1) My partner Kim and I are working on a new online project for moms. Look for it to debut in the next couple of weeks.

2) I have been asked to come on as a facilitator for a company called "The Peaceful Woman," which leads spiritual women's retreats in Maui - be in prayer for me about this decision- it is a huge time commitment, and I haven't fully gotten the green light from God on it yet, but am very excited about the possibility!

3) I got the dates for my summer tour with Inspired Girls, Inc. We will be doing Success Summits for young women ages 13-19 in 9 cities around the nation this summer. It is a fabulous program and I am so excited and blessed to be a part of it. Watch for more info on IG Success Summits to come soon!

4) Inspired Girls is taking 15 young women to Rio de Janeiro in July to experience International Life and Leadership Camp. I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to be a part of this camp! We will be serving in a Brazilian orphanage while focusing on several aspects of personal development for the girls. If you know a young lady who would like to apply, check out the website at www.seegirllead.com

5) Last, but not least, Strings Attached Ministries FINALLY has a home! I am so excited to share my heart with you! Please go check it out...roam around and let me know what you think! www.stringsattachedministries.wordpress.com

I love you guys! You have been such fabulous cheerleaders and supporters and I truly look forward our weekly check ins...Thank you so much! Have a great Company Girl Friday! www.homesanctuary.com

It's so hard to say goodbye (NOT)- Xander's saga...the final chapter...

Hello Blogosphere! I am so excited to pass on this latest information on my son...but, first a bit of background. In October of 2007, Xanman was diagnosed with a disease called Eosiniphilic Esophagitis (say that five times fast!) At the time, we knew little about the disease and its treatment and were completely overwhelmed by the diagnosis to say the least. For more information about this disorder, check out www.apfed.org.

Basically, I learned that for five years I had been killing my son with his food. Turns out this sort of revelation does not make one feel particularly good about her mothering skills. We made changes to our diet, began to "eat only" chicken, rice, quinoa, millet, some veggies and some fruits. Everything else (and yes, this is no exaggeration) was off limits. We began a series of quarterly endoscopies with biopsies to check his progress and a heartwrenching back and forth of "he's better/ he's not".

At one point last winter, we were told that his only option for improvement in his condition was more medication, elimination of ALL foods and implantation of a stomach tube for feedings of elemental formula. Charlie and I discussed, and prayed and felt that this course of action, for us, was too extreme. So we took a different course. We discontinued meds, stopped quarterly scopes, started regularly chiropractic treatments and vitamin therapy and continued to follow a strict diet.

Today, I am happy to report that his Pediatric GI released him from further scopes. She said and I quote, "You are doing great...I don't think you need me anymore!" AMEN! I did a jig right there in the office.

Xander still has to follow a very strict diet and understands that his food choices can negatively impact his health, but he knows they are HIS choices to make and that is a powerful distinction. HE controls his health, not a doctor, or a health system, or even *gasp* me!

Thank you all for praying. We still covet those prayers, but are totally claiming this victory for the Lord!

Family and Festivities: My Latest A-ha...

" There are no individuals in this world. Only fragments of families."

Carl Whitaker

So I've talked a lot lately about the lessons my Marriage Champions class is teaching me these days. From "smiling socks" to communication styles, it seems like each week as I am sharing with the group from examples from our marriage that I have an "A-ha" moment that kind of rocks my world. A couple of weeks ago, I go t smacked with an epiphany that really highlighted a giant area of strain in our relationship.

Now don''t get me wrong, we are both well aware of this smoking woodpile about to burst into flame in our relationship, I have just never been able to get over my point of view to take a look through Charlie's window...and really had no idea what to do about it.

What is IT? The little scab that always seems to get infected this time of year? The holidays. Not the holiday itself really, but the way our individual families of origin celebrate them.

So we were talking about our family of origin and how it effects the way we show up in our relationships. I was sharing the story about my first Christmas with Charlie's family and how I cried myself to sleep on Christmas Eve because the way his family conducted their festivities was so foreign to me. I had never spent Christmas away from my family and not only was I terribly homesick, but I had no frame of reference for how to act or what was coming next. Charlie's family was wonderful and gracious, but I was terribly sad.

Charlie's parents divorced when he was young, so Christmas Day is spent in this kind of progressive celebration from house to house. Each celebration was with a small nucleus of the family, maybe 6-7 people and was quiet and intimate. Looking back on it, I probably should have rejoiced in the multiple celebrations and the opportunity to get to know each family on a more personal level, but I was simply too stunned by the stark contrast between our celebrations. My family all descends on one home- aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents - usually about 25-30 people, sometimes more. There is a huge amount of wrapping paper, food, football and uncles and cousins talking in ever louder tones to be heard over one another. It is beautiful chaos.

After 12 years of marriage, I have learned to love Charlie's family's Christmas rituals and have even brought some back to my family (the Kaufman Family Secret Wassail is now a staple in the Welch household- thank you Grandpa Mikey!) However, the celebrations are still intensely different and I still get a little unsettled by it.

As I was telling the story of this first Christmas in Maryland to our class, something occurred to me that I hadn't ever realized before. I realized that when telling the story I had never drawn the contrast before in such a way. Charlie's Christmas- quiet and intimate; mine- beautiful chaos. Hmmmm....

Our argument always centers around two things. When we are in Maryland- I get tired of going, I want to snuggle in, stay put, and argue loudly about politics and football ...and I don't have a place in the kitchen which is where I generally busy myself. I don't really know what to do with myself, so I resort to my defense mechanism: irritability and withdrawal- not exactly great behavior on Christmas. When we are in Arkansas- Charlie gets tired of the noise and same scenery...he wants to get up and go and to talk about life and get caught up with each other....he doesn't have a place on the couch or running errands which is where he usually busies himself. He gets overstimulated and overwhelmed, so he resorts to his defense mechanism: shutdown and withdrawal. I never realized that for every time I have been uncomfortable at his family's celebrations, he has too. I am just more vocal about how I am feeling.

So what to do with all this new found insight? Well, I don't know what works for you. For us, the solution is around defining our expectations. Both of us, for our holiday. What do we want to see happen, where do we want to fit, what do we need to make this our best year ever? And a lot of it is just understanding and recognizing why it is that we feel we need to withdrawal and work to eliminate that sense of discomfort.

Thanksgiving is upon us...kicking off the whirlwind of activity and celebration that is the Christmas season. It is also generally when we experience a lot of stress. I encourage you married folks to take a look at your spouse and try to remove THIS one piece of stress. Try to set aside your point of view for a moment, and look at it from your spouse's. Is there a place for them in your family's celebration? Can you make one?

I'd love to hear about your celebrations and traditions. What do you do? What are the differences between you and your spouse's families and the way they celebrate the holidays?

My Heart Belongs to the Caribbean....

Ok. Well not really…my heart belongs to Jesus Christ, who entrusted part of it to my earthly husband, Charlie Kaufman…but after that…my heart belongs to the Caribbean.

I have on many occasions said “I am a flower that blooms in the sun.” Never has there been a truer statement than on our trip to Cancun two weeks ago. What a beautiful place. Man, the Mayans totally knew how to pick a location. I have seen God’s glory played out in breathtaking locales before, but something about the whole area around Cancun resonated with me.

We arrived on a Sunday afternoon after a 12 hour day of traveling, but even that couldn’t dampen the wonder and excitement that I felt surrounded by water the color of, well…the color of the Caribbean…Have you ever been there? Been to a place that had colors that could only be described by that place? It is like trying to describe what a tree looks like to a blind man. Anyway, I haven’t the words…so I will include pictures.

The people….ah, the Mexican people. I fell in love with the people. With the language. With the accent of a natural born Mexican speaking my own home language. Beautiful. With the intellect and wit. With the cultural, spiritual and historical knowledge. I know I was in a resort city and that there must be places where everyone is not this way, but it truly doesn’t matter. I fell in love with Cancun. I have decided that there are words that are much easier to say in Spanish than in English, and thus, I brought home my own version of Spanglish (simply because I have a VERY limited Spanish vocabulary) that I hope doesn’t offend any native born speakers, but it honestly is a sign of adoration.

And the food….I miss the homemade pork tacos and hand milled masa tortillas and empanadas…I don’t miss the extra ten pounds I gained, but es no matter. I enjoyed every bite.

I think my biggest take away from the whole experience was the art of a joyful spirit. I am still working on this one. But the single biggest impact this trip had on me was the beauty of the joyful spirit the people around me had. Right down to the woman whose job it was to squigee the marble when it rained to keep it dry (it rained a lot while we were there- perhaps you heard of Hurricane Ida?) This was an endless job and she did it all the while with a joyful spirit. A spirit of gratitude. A person once told me that they had “never met a bitter person that was thankful or a thankful person that was bitter.” How true is this?

So as we enter into Thanksgiving week. Let’s do this: let’s seek out the wonder and awe in our everyday lives. The drudgery…the mundane…the squigee on the marble….I am thankful that I have a dishwasher…and dishes to put in said dishwasher…and food to make said dishes dirty so that I can put them in said dishwasher….wow…I am full….of gratitude. Lord, my cup runneth over…and all I can say is, “Thank you!”

Lessons From the Jewelry Box

I am getting dressed this morning and I decided that I had the perfect necklace for the outfit that I was wearing: a triple chained number with beads and such.

As I am rushing through my morning routine, I move to the jewelry box to retrieve aforementioned necklace. Currently, my jewelry box is actually a heart shaped tin where all of my necklaces live in a jumbled mess all woven together in a crazy puzzle of knotted chains and twisted beads.

Okay. Deep calming breath, center myself. I am going in to the labyrinth, fingers crossed, praying that the necklace I want will be laying easily on top. Crap! The particular necklace I’m after is one of those triple chained things with tiny chains and sporadic beads and it is inextricably tangled with another necklace. Ugh!

Thinking to myself, “Self, I don’t have time for this.” And nervously watching the minutes tick by as I work to free each one of the strands from one another, I make progress, but painfully slowly.

Finally frustrated, I plop down in the floor, legs spread out and begin to really focus on the issue at hand. It is a matter of principle now. I WILL NOT let a cheesy $6 necklace get the best of me! I work and work, but finally get to a point where, as I am looking at the necklaces intertwined as they are, I simply cannot see how to continue to make forward progress. The situation looks totally hopeless. Completely complicated. Far too time consuming.

“Ugh! I give up!” I exclaim to the jumbled knot of chains. Throwing my hands up in exasperation, I let go of the offending tangle. As I did, the long chain slipped easily away from the necklace I was working diligently to free.

Oh! Hmmm….Many times in life we are faced with challenges. Sometimes seemingly insurmountable ones. But we work and work to find a solution, pushing hard to get the situation to submit to our will. But God doesn’t always want us to continue to manipulate our environment until WE stumble unwittingly onto the solution. Sometimes he wants us to trust that He has it all under control….if we just let go.