New Lessons

My chest aches. I realize that what I thought was heartache is actually something physical...The ache of muscles not used in weeks.....

Breathing Muscles.

I just realized I haven't taken a deep, cleansing, full chest breath in weeks. Quick gasps. That's it. That's all.

My hip hurts. A pain deep in the joint. A pain I can't pinpoint or relate to specific injury.  A pain that prevents me from taking a step, from moving forward.  A physical pain- but maybe related to unfinished emotional business?


This last week has been full of gifts.  Some beautiful and easy, others not quickly or simply received.  Some so exciting that I rip the paper off and break the ribbon. Others I slowly open with trepidation about what's inside.  But gifts all....to receive and learn from and to incorporate into my life.

What a fantastic journey I've been on that I can frame these lessons in a way that makes it easy to accept the beauty in them.  Especially in the hard ones.  But it hasn't been a particularly short journey and the ache in my body reminds me that I am not quite finished yet.

"What's going on?" So many of you have asked....thank you for caring, and praying and loving and supporting even though I haven't shared details with you. And I still can't, not yet...God isn't through with it all yet. 


But the essence of it is this: this week I waved a flag of surrender....this is not something I do easily. I have been working so hard to maintain a tight-ship semblance of sanity within our schedule, and God kept bringing me back to the path he set before me and the realization that I was clearly not walking it.  He kept bringing up the truth that doing godly work and working for God were two different things, and teaching me the lesson that I am sure the Old Testament prophets learned the hard way too.  Sometimes the people you are sent to help are not ready to hear God's message.  It is not my job to make sure they receive the gift, only that it is delivered.

These are just some of the gifts I received this week....and I am still learning.  I am learning that God will take my pain away, both physically and emotionally, but I have to be willing to let it go.  I'm learning that he holds me up and holds me tight even when I choose to wander around in the desert. I'm learning that I am strong enough with Him to forge a path on my own, without someone else to copy.

And if all that wasn't enough, I learned a little about brokenness and healing, too.

I guess you could say it was a big week!

I'm still processing, still learning, and still trying to live what I've learned this far.  God is still handing me  presents, and I am still opening them.  Perhaps soon, I will show you where I've been and what I've learned, but for now know this- every one of your prayers was felt and every one of your virtual hugs was needed and embraced.  Keep praying me through this journey, as I am praying for you. Love to you all!

What about you? What gifts has God given you this week?

Cherish the Normal

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return." "

-Mary Jean Irion

Sometimes it is the normalcy of our daily lives that grinds at us. Bless those times of refreshment, of lull, they are the days that prepare the mind, body and soul for the onslaught of activity that we call family life. Thank God for "normal" days!

Company Girl Coffee 1/29/10

Well, hello gang! Please come in from the snow and ice!

I am on a special diet for the next six weeks, so I am only serving coffee and tea this morning, but I don't have any yummy baked goods this morning...so sorry! However, I have lost 4 lbs this week and am well on my way to a slim figure for my sister's wedding!

Update on this week...well, there's not much to say really, other than I am really working to get this post out before power goes out due to the ice storm. Last year was AWFUL and we were without power for two days, but there were many in our city that went without for ten days or more. The isolation of that storm, first seeded the idea for Strings Attached, and the need to form different kinds of relationships for the coming world. I was amazed by the resourefulness of people during the storm last year, and heartened by the way our friends and neighbors opened their hearts and homes to one another...it is how we should live our daily lives.

It is currently snowing here, but sleeted and iced all night...we have about a half inch of ice on the ground and it is snowing at a rate of a half inch or so an hour, so we may be stuck here for a while. I am hoping to go back and do all the Small Things that I missed this week, but I have also promised myself a couple of hours to write today as well...

On that note, my book is going well and coming along nicely. My deadline to upload to the publisher is 8 Feb....So I will be so excited to share it with you when I publish!

I am so excited about my upcoming trip to Rio de Janeiro...the girls that we have chosen so far to go have been amazing young ladies, and I am continually impressed by the quality of the young women who are applying. I would love help, though! The trip is expensive and the work we are doing will change both our lives and the lives of hundreds of Brazilian girls who will be able to get an education because of our uniform donations. I would love ANY help you could muster. Just click on the ChipIN badge up at the top of the page! If you would like to learn more about the trip, Inspired Girls Life and Leadership Camp or Inspired Girls Success Summits- I have linked their websites and would be happy to answer any questions you have.

On a last note, Company Girls you rock! Thank you for your support, your wisdom, your comments and encouragement last week. I desperately needed to feel like I wasn't just being whiney about things...and you ladies not only came through, but also helped me to feel better. Which is what this whole thing is all about...Thank You!

Company Girl Coffee 12/11/09..The Passing of Another Year

I am getting older! (Notice the distinction between getting old- which is just kind of sad and getting older- which is a mark of wisdom, passage and a cause for celebration!)I am happy to say that yesterday I celebrated my 35th birthday!

Oh, Ladies, it was a wonderful birthday! One of the best yet! Full of heartwarming moments, tender hugs, MANY refrains of "Happy Birthday to you!" (sung in wide variety of keys- G, C and Off;), and lots and lots of love....Absolutely wonderful! Not at all my usual- plan a big party, have everyone over and eat lots of cake type birthday, but low key...good morning birthday hugs from my munchkins, breakfast with good friends, coffee and a new book at Borders, lunch with my dear husband, a little shopping, visiting with my business partner and the mini-stirfry, and then dinner with my family. Absolutely beautiful. My heart is overflowing with gratitude.

As for this past two weeks, much has happened.

1) My partner Kim and I are working on a new online project for moms. Look for it to debut in the next couple of weeks.

2) I have been asked to come on as a facilitator for a company called "The Peaceful Woman," which leads spiritual women's retreats in Maui - be in prayer for me about this decision- it is a huge time commitment, and I haven't fully gotten the green light from God on it yet, but am very excited about the possibility!

3) I got the dates for my summer tour with Inspired Girls, Inc. We will be doing Success Summits for young women ages 13-19 in 9 cities around the nation this summer. It is a fabulous program and I am so excited and blessed to be a part of it. Watch for more info on IG Success Summits to come soon!

4) Inspired Girls is taking 15 young women to Rio de Janeiro in July to experience International Life and Leadership Camp. I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to be a part of this camp! We will be serving in a Brazilian orphanage while focusing on several aspects of personal development for the girls. If you know a young lady who would like to apply, check out the website at www.seegirllead.com

5) Last, but not least, Strings Attached Ministries FINALLY has a home! I am so excited to share my heart with you! Please go check it out...roam around and let me know what you think! www.stringsattachedministries.wordpress.com

I love you guys! You have been such fabulous cheerleaders and supporters and I truly look forward our weekly check ins...Thank you so much! Have a great Company Girl Friday! www.homesanctuary.com

My Heart Belongs to the Caribbean....

Ok. Well not really…my heart belongs to Jesus Christ, who entrusted part of it to my earthly husband, Charlie Kaufman…but after that…my heart belongs to the Caribbean.

I have on many occasions said “I am a flower that blooms in the sun.” Never has there been a truer statement than on our trip to Cancun two weeks ago. What a beautiful place. Man, the Mayans totally knew how to pick a location. I have seen God’s glory played out in breathtaking locales before, but something about the whole area around Cancun resonated with me.

We arrived on a Sunday afternoon after a 12 hour day of traveling, but even that couldn’t dampen the wonder and excitement that I felt surrounded by water the color of, well…the color of the Caribbean…Have you ever been there? Been to a place that had colors that could only be described by that place? It is like trying to describe what a tree looks like to a blind man. Anyway, I haven’t the words…so I will include pictures.

The people….ah, the Mexican people. I fell in love with the people. With the language. With the accent of a natural born Mexican speaking my own home language. Beautiful. With the intellect and wit. With the cultural, spiritual and historical knowledge. I know I was in a resort city and that there must be places where everyone is not this way, but it truly doesn’t matter. I fell in love with Cancun. I have decided that there are words that are much easier to say in Spanish than in English, and thus, I brought home my own version of Spanglish (simply because I have a VERY limited Spanish vocabulary) that I hope doesn’t offend any native born speakers, but it honestly is a sign of adoration.

And the food….I miss the homemade pork tacos and hand milled masa tortillas and empanadas…I don’t miss the extra ten pounds I gained, but es no matter. I enjoyed every bite.

I think my biggest take away from the whole experience was the art of a joyful spirit. I am still working on this one. But the single biggest impact this trip had on me was the beauty of the joyful spirit the people around me had. Right down to the woman whose job it was to squigee the marble when it rained to keep it dry (it rained a lot while we were there- perhaps you heard of Hurricane Ida?) This was an endless job and she did it all the while with a joyful spirit. A spirit of gratitude. A person once told me that they had “never met a bitter person that was thankful or a thankful person that was bitter.” How true is this?

So as we enter into Thanksgiving week. Let’s do this: let’s seek out the wonder and awe in our everyday lives. The drudgery…the mundane…the squigee on the marble….I am thankful that I have a dishwasher…and dishes to put in said dishwasher…and food to make said dishes dirty so that I can put them in said dishwasher….wow…I am full….of gratitude. Lord, my cup runneth over…and all I can say is, “Thank you!”

Company Girl Coffee 11/19/09

!Hola! He echado de menos a todos mucho!

(I THINK that is Spanish for "Hi! I have missed you all so much!" But for my Spanish readers out there, I would love to KNOW that that is what I have started this post with!;)

The past two months have been an absolute whirlwind for me. In a crazy wonderful way, which is exactly how I like it. My friends have taken to calling it my fall tour. I like the sound of that. I think I will call it that as well. My "fall tour" started in October with a trip to Maryland. That trip doubled as both a vacation for my family and work for me. It was a wonderful learning experience. At times both difficult and beautiful, and at times fun and exciting- I came away from that trip a changed person. As did my husband...interestingly enough. He discovered a delight in our children in a new way, and it has transformed him into an even better father and husband than he was. I discovered limitations within myself that I hadn't encountered before, that I am now working to break through to improve both myself and my retreats. I learned an enumerable amount about my Gracious and All Powerful Lord, and about the enemy of my soul and his weaknesses. It was a ten day trip that has changed my life forever as well as the movement of this ministry.

Strings Attached is growing in both recognition and quality. With each retreat, I learn new things, about myself, about the ministry and about the women I work with. I love it, and am daily filled gratitude that I have found my purpose in this life. What a blessing!

We are moving forward with our website development and hope to have it up by the end of the year (YAY!) I am working on two books: one a ministry leader's guide to connecting with women in the church and a second that explores friendship through difficult times. The curriculum of Strings Attached is slowly being recorded to DVD format and will hopefully soon be available as a church enrichment program. So needless to say, the past few months have been crazy busy!

The retreat last weekend was wonderful! I led it for my home church, Immanuel Baptist Church in Rogers, Arkansas. Not only was a wonderful weekend with friends, but it was the best Strings Attached retreat yet! You can check out the slide show in the post below.

Before that, Charlie and I went to Cancun, Mexico for his brother's wedding. That trip is a blog post in and of itself (check back on Monday- it's scheduled to post then!)...all I can say is that my heart belongs to the Caribbean! The beautiful blue ocean and white sandy beaches were literally awe-inspiring.

So we come to today. The week before Thanksgiving 2009. I find myself prone to reflection on this crazy wonderful year. So much growth, personally, for me and my husband and my business partners and my family. So much is different, and yet it all feels like such a natural progression that it is not shocking in any way. What an amazing year it has been...and you know what one of the best parts is? I started this blog...finally! After years of saying I would. I did. And as a result, I found you guys- my coffee buddies! So sit with me, have a cup of tea (or coffee if you must), maybe a few of my gluten free scones, and reflect on what we are thankful for this year...I'll go first: I am thankful for you all! Now it's your turn...what are you thankful for?

9/4/09 Company Girl Coffee

Wow! Another week? What? I am rushing out the door to buy some Xander safe "ice cream" (Rice Dream) for a school function and don't have much time...but I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all the gals who stopped by last week and commented on "Strings Attached."

I am currently working hard at the HOW Strings Attached is going to look and operate. I am trusting that God will take care of that (he has so far) and kind of trying to keep my preconceived notions out of the way.

I will be posting more about it soon....but I just wanted to say thanks to all of you who took an interest and expressed your support....you guys rock!

Check back soon! I promise more is to come!

Thank You for the Morning Glories

The cool summer here and loads of rain have been optimal weather for the wild morning glories that grow in my flower bed. They are a riot of blue blooms this morning and I thought, in honor of their beautiful smiling faces I would repost this story I wrote 3 years ago when we found out that my son has a chronic allergic disorder that makes him very ill. I hope you enjoy it.

Have you ever tried to get rid of a morning glory? It is not easy. Just when you think that you have weeded them out, here sprouts a new one, weaving it's vines all over your favorite flower and letting you know just how not in control of your environment you are.

Life is like that too, isn't it? There are just some things in life that keep coming back to you until you finally stop fighting them and embrace them. Sometimes, you have to stop trying to weed out the things you don't want to be there and be thankful for the experiences.

Take this week for example. Tuesday morning, my son woke up about 4:30 am throwing up. I thought, "great...stomach virus...not what I need today." I was scheduled to teach dissection to the 5-8th graders at his school at 1, Charlie was on pager, work was piled high on my desk and I had just come back from a three day trip with the kids to Sheridan. What I did not need was a sick child to try to work around. So, as I am running around, trying to come up with some antidote to his illness, trying to work out in my mind some way to get it all done, Xander goes running past me to the bathroom again, and again...and again....by the fourth trip to the bathroom in less than an hour, all that worrying about how I was going to fit everything else into my day was replaced with how do I keep fluids down my son. 


By 7 am, I had passed worry and anxiety to plain ole scared. By 830, we were at the doctor's (still vomiting every 15 min, and at this point having to be wheeled around in a wheelchair because he was too weak to walk). By 915, we were admitted to the hospital with no idea what was wrong. After a night in the hospital on IV fluids, Xander is doing much better, but we are still home from school.

I guess the point is, I did not want this little trip to the hospital or the 4 days off work, or the 4 days stuck at home, inside with a stir crazy boy and an even more stir crazy me. But it has made me slow down and appreciate some things a little more. I am really thankful for my son and his improved health. I am thankful for our health insurance (even though I am always complaining about how crappy it is). I am thankful for our house (even thought right now I feel trapped inside it). I am thankful for my job that keeps me from being trapped inside the house (even though I have been complaining about never having enough time).


But, I am especially thankful for the morning glories that greeted me and my son with their unassuming blue smiles when we came home from the hospital (even though they are climbing all over my hibiscus and petunias).....

Alexander said, "Mom, look God made these new flowers grow here. I like them, they are my favorte color. Aren't they pretty?"

Thank You, God, for those morning glories! I think they may just be my new favorite flower.